


We Could Change it All

by SorAmaterasu



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: AU in which Subaki and Selena stayed on opposing sides, Angst, Caeldori isn't mentioned until the end but she's there, F/M, Revelation route but also not, Selena misses her boyfriend, memories suck, mostly just mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:42:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22826593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorAmaterasu/pseuds/SorAmaterasu
Summary: Subaki doesn't like hurting his loved ones. Selena didn't want to hurt him, either.
Relationships: Luna | Selena/Tsubaki | Subaki
Kudos: 15





	We Could Change it All

**Author's Note:**

> Based on my RP group's reasoning for Caeldori despite the war being recently resolved. Basically if things had gone a LITTLE differently for them.

"I would never hurt you. Not even if I was ordered."

Subaki's words still echoed in her mind. Those haunting words, chilling Selena to the bone, clinging like a burr to the matted coat of a dog. Her initial thoughts had to be shoved aside- he wasn't going to go die on her, right? And... she wasn't going to die on him.

"I wouldn't hurt you, either," she had lied.  
It had all been a lie.  
The peace they had made? The happiness they had found in the shadows, out of sight? None of that was real. But deep down, she still wanted to believe in it...

As she rested on the arched bridge over the pond where they always met, Selena closed her eyes, trying to distract herself from the ever-present void where Subaki always stood.

_We carry on, through the storm,_   
_Tired soldiers in this war,_   
_Remember what we're fighting for..._

Their first meeting wasn't pleasant. Camilla had grown angry with the whole of Hoshido for 'stealing' Lady Corrin. She had been beaten back sorely, but Selena still remembered the pegasus knight who had taken her on and kindly sent her off to lick her wounds. That dark red hair, that manner of speaking he had, the tone he took with her...

"You don't want to die here. Go get that patched up."

He had been right, she hadn't wanted to die then. But she still cursed herself for listening, for growing attached to him for merely showing concern... Yet, she had felt concerned. There had been a number of archers there. When she heard that same sweet voice screaming not long after, she had panicked, hoping he had made it out- even if just so she could get a rematch later...

  
_Meet me on the battlefield..._

Only a few weeks later had Selena taken up patrolwork, she recalled. A stop in a town on the Hoshido-Nohr border had allowed her to run into the pegasus knight again, where she had learned his name was Subaki.  
Such a lovely name, she couldn't help but think. Gods, how foolish she had been to think that... If she had known where it would lead, would she still think so highly of him?  
Likely not.

Even on the darkest night...

She remembered when they found that clearing, right on the border. That small lake with the mossy bridge crossing over it, where he had once tended her wounds in the middle of their aligned patrols.

"You'd do well not to get struck by another pegasus knight," Subaki had purred. "If I'd known it was you, I wouldn't have done that. Others would not be so kind."  
"I know," Selena had sneered, looking off to the side as the wound was dressed. It was quite nice here, she mused. It reminded her of home.

They had hidden there until she could go home, talking the night away as best they could without sharing sensitive information with one another. But they had agreed, before parting, to return on occasion.

_I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage,_   
_And you will be mine..._

They had met up once weekly for months now, growing from enemies to friends fairly quickly. Selena recalled the end of the rainy season, when Subaki called her to a meeting at their spot.  
She had arrived to find a small gazebo had been erected beside the pond, right beside where the trees shifted from coniferous to deciduous. It was the perfect spot.

"You should expect no less from me," Subaki had replied.

Even now, as Selena glanced towards the wooden structure, she couldn't help but consider what it would have been like if he was standing there, digging lunch out for the two of them.  
She didn't expect to miss his annoying perfectionism like this...

  
_Echoes of the shots ring out..._   
_We may be the first to fall..._

  
"I would never hurt you," she remembered him saying. "Not even if I was ordered."  
That was the last thing he had said in that skirmish at the border. They hadn't even been planned to meet then, and yet they had. Selena shuddered at the memory, however clear in her mind it was.

The pair had engaged in battle to speak if this fight would be their last. Subaki was already bleeding from an axe wound on his shoulder, likely from Beruka, who had been taken out of the sky a few moments later.  
"I won't strike," he had stated. Selena didn't understand why.  
"Subaki, it's our job to fight here."  
"I refuse to hurt my loved ones."

She would have insisted that he attack had he not tossed his naginata to the ground after this claim. She tightened her grip on her sword, trying to get her hands to just stop shaking.

"You can attack me," Subaki insisted. "I won't fight back. I can retreat and meet back at our spot when I recover. Please, just... Just don't make me fight you."  
That plea caught Selena off-guard, but she shifted to prepare to attack him.

"You promise to come back?"  
"...Of course."

Selena took a deep breath, shut her eyes, and lunged.  
The next thing she heard was a cut-off scream-- hopefully dramatic-- and the thud of a body hitting the ground... Then the frightened whinny of a pegasus, followed by the beating of wings as Suzuyuki flew away. She steeled herself, opening her eyes again, only to find that the damage was so much worse than she had thought...  
...Oh, Gods...  
"...I'm sorry," she whispered, before turning away.

  
_Everything could stay the same, or we could change it all..._

  
Selena looked up to the sky. The moon was rising. Subaki wasn't coming tonight. She had noticed Hana had taken over his patrols, giving her updates on his condition, but she had been quiet lately.  
Maybe he was busy. Maybe he was fine. Maybe that solemn look on the samurai's face when asked about her fellow retainer meant nothing. At this point, Selena could only hope.  
She had waited days, weeks... What was a little more waiting?

More days would pass...  
More weeks would pass...  
The months passed slowly...  
Selena visited the pond daily. Sometimes with Beruka to keep her company towards late spring and mid summer.

"It's been a year," Selena said quietly. "...I don't think he's coming back... Gods, I really do kill everyone I love, don't I...?" Her voice cracked as she spoke, but a soft 'mah' got her attention almost immediately.  
She looked to her daughter, the last living reminder of Subaki, and shook her head sadly.  
"I'm sorry, Caeldori... I don't think you'll ever meet your father..."  
The four-month-old girl seemed to pout at those words, as though the seriousness of them was already something she knew. Selena could feel her heart break, more than it had over the previous year...  
But she would have to stay strong. They'd be fine.

_Meet me on the battlefield..._


End file.
